Rambling On…Part 1

Don Williams wrote a song – that to this day – I love.  I can sing it backwards and forward and the lyrics ring true to me in every way.  So I thought I’d share them with you – before I rant on for a while.  This could be a long one – you might want to settle in for a bit.

I don’t believe in superstars, Organic food and foreign cars
I don’t believe the price of gold, The certainty of growing old
That right is right and left is wrong, That north and south can’t get along
That east is east and west is west, And bein’ first is always best.

        But I believe in love
I believe in babies, I believe in mom and dad
And I believe in you.

Well, I don’t believe that heaven waits. For only who congregate
I’d like to think of God as love. He’s down below
He’s up above, He’s watchin’ people everywhere
He knows who does and doesn’t care
And I’m an ordinary man, Sometimes I wonder who I am.

                                                                                                             But I believe in love

I believe in music, I believe in magic

And I believe in you.

I know with all my certainty, What’s goin’ on with you and me
Is a good thing. It’s true
I believe in you.

I don’t believe virginity, Is as common as it used be
In workin’ days and sleepin’ nights, That black is black and white is white
That Superman and Robinhood, Are still alive in Hollywood
That gasoline’s in short supply, The risin’ cost of gettin’ by

But I believe in love
I believe in old folks, I believe in children
I believe in you.

I hear people saying, “loving someone is hard”.  No it isn’t.  Loving someone is easy – it’s a choice you make – either you love them or you don’t.  It’s all the stuff that goes WITH loving someone that’s hard – the trust, the faith, the communication , the getting to know them and deciding where your boundaries are – THOSE are the hard things.

For those who have children – or work with or are around small children – you know the love part is easy – you just love them – it’s as easy at that.  For parents, there’s no “getting to know them” – you know them from the moment they move the first time in your belly (if you’re a mom) or the first time you feel them kick (if you’re a dad) – and you mold them and shape them – teach them as they grow so they are an outward visible sign of a part of you.

Other family members – well, the love part is easy – the getting to know part, the trust and faith – not so much.  And in the end – once you’ve gotten to know them and learned whether you can trust them or not – you still love them – they’re your family – doesn’t mean you have to like them all that much.

And then you move on to your friends and significant others.  Now we get to the hard part.  The deciding to love them is still easy – either you choose to or you don’t.  All the rest of that stuff  – that just takes time and patience.  It takes work – and daily choices.  And it takes loving ourselves and facing our fears.  Every relationship we’ve had in our past – our parents, our family, our childhood friends – they all play a part in shaping how we view what love is and how relationships are supposed to go.  Even Disney had a hand with that – teaching all little girls that love happens with a kiss and the only thing between that kiss and “the end” is “they lived happily ever after.  Disney didn’t say shit about the days when all you do is fight and nothing either of you say comes out right –they didn’t say shit about the nights you toss and turn in doubt and strangle down the fear of running away to keep from getting hurt –  and for shame on them for that.

My daughter asked me once, how I can love people as hard as I do – how I can love so deeply and with all my heart knowing in the end there could be immeasurable pain.  She’s asked me that more than once – and I’ve always replied to her the same thing.  You have to go through the bad, to appreciate the good.  In order to love – you have to be willing to feel the hurt – and I would rather love hard and deeply than to not really love someone at all.  So for that, I’m willing to endure the pain – as unpleasant as it is, as puffy as it makes my eyes, as long as it takes to heal – so that I can love the ones that love me back with all that I am.

Being hurt is a part of life – just as surely as falling off a bicycle the first time you try to ride one – it’s not the hurt that defines you – it’s what you do with the pain that does.  Do you mope and wallow in it – allow it to ruin everything else good that comes along by giving up?  Or do you pick yourself up (ok, wallow a little bit, we all deserve that I suppose), brush yourself off and learn from the pain – use it to make you stronger – to make you better – and to recognize the love from someone else that comes along?  Do you become jaded and bitter and stand still in your righteousness of all that has been done wrong to you – or do you let it wash over you and out of you and move forward determined to try again and make it better?  Are you willing to work for it – for the right love – to compromise and learn, to give and to take – to complete them and not compete against them? Are you willing to take the good with the bad – to realize that every day isn’t “happily ever after” and that some days, you just have to muddle through it, hope for the best and have faith that tomorrow will be better.   It’s all about the choice – and it’s your choice to make – not anyone else’s.

I wish I had something truly profound to say here – but I don’t.  It’s just the ramblings from a heart that’s been hurt before – that still hurts sometimes.  Maybe, this post wasn’t to help you – but to remind me.  Words have a funny way of doing that sometimes….

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