Expectations and Assumptions – The Mother of All Evil – Part 1

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything here, and a few of you have asked – thank you for that.  Most of you who know me well, know that my writing/rambling is fairly emotional – either from something I myself have been through or something someone close to me has been through.  I try, through my various blogs, to take something from the experience, find the positive in it and share it with all of you. 

The problem tends to lay with those who constantly think that even though I don’t name names in a lot of my posts, whatever the topic is – is about them.  My inboxes get flooded and not that I give a rat’s ass about the opinions of me, but it’s simply an aggravating waste of time deleting all of them.  I offer no apologies for my opinion – if you don’t like it – don’t read it – it really IS that simple. 

Chances are, more than likely, the topic doesn’t have anything to do with you, and it very well may not have anything to do with Second Life at all – so get over yourself cupcake – the world truly doesn’t revolve around you and the quicker you realize that – the happier you can get along to being. 

This blog – isn’t a place to finger point – it’s a place to share a little of something learned in the hopes it helps someone else and maybe bring a little peace to the writer and anyone else it may touch.  *steps off her soapbox and adjusts her bits*

So let’s get on with it shall we?  I’ve been working diligently on several posts over the last month or so and will start sharing them a bit more often with you – grab a cup of coffee, settle in and follow along if you like.

My son, is learning the fun of using “big” words (and correctly I might add) – so I thought it might be fun to do a series on some fun words that affect us all.  Let’s start with vocabulary lesson number 1!

Before I start this – I feel it’s important to point out, I really tried to make this one objective – but I simply can’t – it is what it is.  I’ve had the unfortunate experience of watching a relationship start to fail – miserably – whether it does in the end is up to the two individuals involved, this post is about a lot of what I’ve seen from the two of them over the last year or so – I think the issues here are common to all of us and bears sharing.

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EXPECTATIONS and ASSUMPTIONS – The Mother of All Evil – Part 1

We’re going to do this post in two parts – when I tried to put it all together –it was far too long and I really don’t want you to sleep through it – and there’s a LOT to say about both words and relationships – so we’ll start with expectations – and they aren’t always great like Charles Dickens wrote about.

Merriam-Webster defines the word expectation as: “a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen… a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be…”

We all have expectations – big and small.  From the light coming on when we open the fridge, to the staring at the phone expecting the text or call from a loved one simply because they always have – and it seems to be the popular opinion that we base these expectations on our own personal experience or the experience with others.

 The light doesn’t come on when you open the fridge – sure it’s a disappointment from your expectation – but easily remedied and gotten over.  It’s the big disappointments of expectations not fulfilled that leave us wandering aimlessly with emotions we’re not quite sure what to do with.

 

At least half of the problem, I believe, is the expectations we have of other people – because let’s face it – people are – well, human.  We make mistakes, we fail to think sometimes – we’re not omnipotent and we can’t read minds (I don’t care what that psychic on the up all night channel says).  The other half of the problem – are the assumptions we make when our expectations aren’t met. 

I read a blog recently from a young man that described his version of the difference in expectations and assumptions.  He stated that expectations were more like a verbal agreement.  That if he talked to his better half and they planned to have dinner at 6pm and she didn’t show up – he’d be upset because they had agreed upon plans.  However, if they didn’t verbally make agreed up on plans – if he simply ASSUMED she would be home to have dinner at 6pm – and she wasn’t there – he couldn’t truly be mad at her for not meeting his expectation – simply because he’d never expressed his expectation of having dinner at a certain time to her.

THAT is what got me thinking.  How often do we have expectations of our better half that they don’t even know about?  We expect that phone call or text every morning simply because it’s always been done – but have we ever said – out loud “honey, when I don’t hear from you in the mornings, I worry about you”  or “I like getting that phone call every morning because it reminds me how much you care”.  Can we truly be upset because they failed to live up to our expectations when we never bothered to tell them what we expected from them?

And what of the assumptions that follow?  Is it fair to assume that something’s wrong because you didn’t get that call or text?  Is it fair to be hurt because they’ve failed to do or say something that we’ve never communicated we need?

Just take a guess what happens next?  Big, huge, branch filled, knock your ass out snowballs – that’s what.  Non communicated expectations aren’t met, assumptions are made – one after the other – until feelings are hurt – people are mad – couples are sitting across the table glaring at each other – or even worse – ignoring each other completely because neither one wants to deal with the mess that it has become.

Fixable?  I think it can be – if two people want to.  One of them can’t fix it alone – it’s gonna take time, compromise but most importantly communication – and they both have to do that together.  Both have to be willing and WANT to reach for the same goal.

It’s a hard thing to watch with people you care about – add into that mix two very stubborn people who don’t want to deal with the confrontation and don’t want to back down from what they believe is the right in all the wrong.  It’s easier to make a chicken soup sandwich than watch this unfold.  The only thing I think could be worse – is looking back yourself at someone you lost and realizing – this was you too and now it’s really too late.

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